Living Nightmares and Dreams
by Naturegal13
Summary: Draco did something absolutely terrible to Harry five years ago. Since then he has been seeing all the memories of their life together, as if reliving it. What happens when the man he thought left forever... TEMPERARY HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters in this FanFiction. The characters belong to the brilliant J. K. Rowling and I had no part in her works. This is purely for fun and not for profit. I would only sell my own works where everything was from my own messed up imagination.

**Rating: **M

**Warnings: **SLASH (guy+guy sex), ignored epilogue and major character bashing/OOC, whatever you wanna call it. If anyone thinks of other warnings, please notify me so things that shouldn't be left unsaid, don't go unsaid.

* * *

**Memories Part 1**

"I will forgive you," a sigh of relief escaped his lips at his lover's words, "but I never want to see your face again." Draco fell a few steps back hitting the wall. His chest constricted to the point that breathing was impossible and his heart was ripping to pieces at the words.

If this was said only a few days before, he wouldn't have been able to accept those words but he no longer had that right. If only there was a way to go back in time, to change what happened that night.

"Is there anything, anything I can do, Harry, to keep you by my side? I'm begging you." There was a moment of absolute silence. A pin could have been dropped and in the other room and it still would have been heard. It was to the point that the silence was deafening to Draco and he even opened his mouth a few times trying to break it but never succeeded.

"Nothing. There is nothing you can do." Harry stood from the chair he was sitting on and walked to the door. "You can do what you want with my stuff. Don't you dare try to find me or I will do worse to you than what I did to Voldemort." His last words were punctuated with the sound of the door closing.

The Malfoys was a family that never shown any sign of weakness, but in that moment Draco went against his blood and screamed out his pain as he fell to his knees.

-**Five Years Later**-

Draco set down the book he was reading and rubbed his eyes. The darkness of the night had long since disappeared and still he could not entirely forget that night five years ago, nor could he ease the pain his heart still held. He thought that eventually it would numb and he would not feel anything, love or hate, but the truth was far from that.

Since that night he hasn't been able to sleep, or at least without nightmares which were worse than the days he spent feeling ready to pass out. If he ate, the food was tasteless and bland. Nothing helped. He felt that must be his punishment for what happened.

The bright sunlight pouring through the window caught his attention and he stood to walk to the largest one. With a flick of his wand, the drapes closed instantly with a snap.

"He was like the sun to me." The simple phrase left his lips as millions of memories surfaced, his mind snagging one of them and it flashed before his eyes.

_"Come on Draco! We're going to be late!" Harry said to him in a cheerful but slightly forceful voice while tugging on his arm._

_"I'm not ready yet." Draco said back to him pulling his arm out of his grasp._  
_"You're taking forever and a day!"_

_"I have to look my best whenever I go out." Harry snorted_

_"You look the best to me and who really cares what other people think so let's go!" Draco didn't want to tell him that he thought otherwise but finally tore himself from the mirror and looked to the man hooked to his arm and gave him a small smile._

_"All right." Harry grinned and Draco allowed himself to be pulled out the door before he shook Harry off his arm. Harry looked at him and pouted._

_"I can't hold your hand very well with you holding my arm for dear life," said Draco as he grabbed the hand nearest to him. Harry's smile returned and squeezed the cold hand that held his own._

Life had been nice to him back then or at least he was nice to his life. Harry was his life, even after five years Draco still could not forget the feel of his heart racing in his chest or feel of Harry's mouth against his own. Why he did that to him Draco will never know. That wasn't true, Draco knew the reason, he just wished with everything inside of him, that he never had reason to, logical reason or illogical reason.

Draco rubbed his eyes again hoping that it will not only erase the tiredness but also everything in his mind. Finished with his business in the library, Draco left through the door leading to a long corridor. It only took a moment before he reached the door leading outside to the garden.

The garden looked like it could have been called a jungle of death. Everywhere he looked there was not a trace of life. The plants were a tangled mess of brown sticks with dry crinkled leaves. Five years ago everything was beautiful. There was not a time when none of the plants were in bloom, even in the winter there were a few species sprouting flowers. Five years ago, this garden was at its best, because _he_ had been there for it.

Harry was miles away from being a herbology major but at least he had the right mind to at minimum water the plants and use charms to keep weeds away. After he left, Draco barely stepped foot into it, let alone took care of it. By being so neglected, the garden was overrun by weeds and the plants themselves before the winter snow had wiped them out and all that survive that died from the other poor conditions that were part of England's weather.

Spotting a bench, Draco walked over, dusted it off and took a seat. Already he was worn out. It didn't take much anymore with the lack of sleep and poor diet. It was a miracle he wasn't dead by now. The air was chilly causing Draco rub his arms and he remembered another cold winter day.

_"It's so beautiful out here," said Harry amazed at his surroundings. Despite being the beginning of winter, the fall flowers were still in bloom and the winter flowers were just beginning to bud._

_"The flowers are nothing in comparison to you," said Draco earning a blush from Harry who instantly hid it by turning away. Draco smirked and hugged him from behind. Harry leaned back into the embrace and reached up behind him to grasp a handful of blond hair._

_"Mm you're warm," said Harry. Draco just nuzzled his neck and placed a few feather light kisses from the base leading up to his ear. Harry turned his head giving Draco enough room to pull the lobe into his mouth and suck on it. He nipped at it and rolled it between his teeth before releasing._

_"How about we go someplace warmer and do something that will warm both of us up?" Draco asked as he removed one hand from his lover's waist and rubbed from Harry's side to his hip and back up._

_"That sounds like a great idea," mumbled Harry and suddenly he was scooped up into Draco's arms, bridal style and carried into one of the bedrooms where they both definitely turned on the heat._

**Authors note**: Sorry if it's a little confusing! All will be revealed later! Yay! I feel great to be writing fanfiction again! I know I said I would be writing a bunch of other stories like a sequel to Deserving and Wanting and a different story about Draco's and Harry's sons but I got a few paragraphs into them and couldn't write another word. Believe me, I tried to! I sat at the computer for hours just staring at it! So I took a break, started working on other stories and stopped thinking about Harry Potter for a while. I'm really sorry! Lo siento! Gomen! Sorry in any other language! I'm really sorry I had to take such a long break without a single word! Now I'm back in business writing this story! Hope you guys like it! I'm only planning on maybe six chapters and they're pretty short so I apologize for that too! Oh and I didn't know if the herbs class was called "herbology" or something else, so I guessed. Sorry!


	2. Chapter 2

**Memories Part 2**

Another day passed seeming like another minute. Draco never noticed much difference anymore, he hardly ever remembered what the date was. All he knew were the memories that kept plaguing his mind. It was as if he was reliving his life with Harry, only this time without him.

_Draco laid next to the sleeping Harry with one arm being used as a pillow and the other was stroking the dark hair and brushing it from his closed eyes. A small smile touched Draco's face and he leaned forward to place his lips against Harry's temple.  
_  
_He tugged the sheets up closer to them before resting his arm on Harry's waist, pulling him closer to his chest. Harry mumbled a little in his sleep causing another grin on Draco's face. Breathing in Harry's scent, Draco finally closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, his dreams full of the person in his arms._

Draco headed down the stairs to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out what he could find to make a sandwich. After taking a few slices of bread from the box on the counter, he slapped a few pieces of sliced ham. A couple leaves of lettuce and a slice of cheese were added before the second piece of bread was put on top.

Right as he was about to take a bite, a knock from the front door interrupted him. Draco cursed the charm he put on the door that made knocks loud enough to hear from anywhere in the house. He didn't even set the sandwich back on the cutting board before heading to answer the door.

"Draco!" A certain person practically jumped on him and hugged him too tightly than was comfortable.

"Get off, Pansy."

"You don't see or hear from me in five years and you're not the least bit happy? That is so like you," said the brunette.

"I was in the middle of lunch."

"Well, eat your lunch while I tell you some great news!" Draco reluctantly did as he was told and took that awaited first bite. He was careful to steer clear of the overly energetic girl whose mouth can run faster than lightning can strike.

"It had better not be anything about your latest boyfriend." She snorted at what he said before pushing past him into the foyer, almost knocking the sandwich from his hand.

"No! You wouldn't believe who I just saw today, in a mood matching your own cheerful one." Her voice was dripping sarcasm when she said the last two words and Draco almost cared about what she said.

"Who?" Draco said, uninterested.

"Come on, be a little more enthusiastic! I know you wanna know!" she said as if dangling bait in front of a fish. Too bad for her, Draco was a fish without an appetite.

"Just tell me already."

"Oh, you're no fun," she pouted. "Ok I'll tell you anyways because it is such juicy news! I was out minding my own business walking down Diagon alley. You see, I was going to hit the sale that was going on at-"

"Pansy, get to the point," said an irritated Draco. He was tired enough without her company, and with it was worse than having a needle continuously poking him in the same place.

"All right, all right! Potter and Weasley were there and Potter just seemed to be the most bitter man! Could you believe it? Potter who always seemed so happy and cheerful and a total goody-goody and probably a little bit of a poser if you ask me." Draco glared at her, urging her to continue which she complied with. "Anyways, he was being a total tosser to everyone! And I pulled Weasley over to have a nice chat and to ask what was wrong with Potter and Weasley said he'd been like that for five years, after of course his usual threats and rantings."

"Harry? Being a tosser?" Draco had never been more confused. Harry had only been a tosser to him (and all the death eaters and Voldemort but that was beside the point) and that was before they got together, never had he been even slightly rude to someone who didn't deserve it. Five years ago? That probably started when that night happened. _not just probably, _Draco thought, _it did start that night._ He was sure of it.

Draco suddenly felt gravity pulling harder on him and he sat down on the small table that was close by. His hands came up to cradle his head, not caring that Pansy was still in the room and probably staring at him. His chest constricted and the pain in his heart was killing him. The first real strong emotion he felt in five years and it was pain, concern mixed with and certain longing that he didn't quite understand. He couldn't take the fact that he caused Harry this much pain and suffering. Draco felt compelled to do something, anything for Harry to be happy again, but what?

"So Draco? What did happen between you and Harry?" asked Pansy, interrupting his thoughts.

"... Out."

"What?"

"Get out!" he shouted making her flinch. Pansy nodded and raced out of the manor.

That one memory tried to force its way into his mind and he struggled against himself to keep it pinned in the depths of his mind. That was one memory he never wanted to relive. Slowly it faded and once again Draco was left with a clear mind and pained heart.

Draco knew what he could do. He walked into the study and sat at the desk. He pulled out a quill and a new piece of parchment before starting the letter with a simple 'Harry.'

It took a few hours and plenty of clean pieces of paper before there was a draft that was usable. He put the quill back into the ink before taking a moment to read the letter again.

_Harry,_

_I'm sending this to you via owl with a searching charm. In other words, if this letter finds you, I still will not know your location so don't worry._

_There are a few things I want to say. I sincerely apologize for what I did to you. I wish that you are happy living life without me and that you found someone to love you like I never could. If you haven't then I hope the day will come when you meet him. I am sorry for hurting you so much and causing so much suffering._

_Draco_

After folding it into thirds and placing it in the envelope, Draco wrote down the name of his ex-lover and gave it to the charmed owl to carry.

"Give this to Harry," he commanded and the bird jumped into the air and through the open window. Draco watched as the birds image slowly disappeared from view before standing up and heading to the library. He pulled a new book from the shelf and sat down in his usual chair to read.

It was another few days before there was an interruption to his usual pattern.

A scraping noise on the window made Draco look towards it to find the owl he sent. He flicked his wand and once the owl was free of any barriers, it came in to land on the armrest of the chair Draco was currently in. The large bird dropped a letter and then flew to the top of one of the shelves in the room. The letter was addressed to him. He opened the envelope and read the short sentence that was on the note. _Expect a visit from me soon. Harry._

That one sentence, short as it may be had the worst impact on him. The memory he had tried to keep under lock and key finally found a crack in the wall to escape from and suddenly, Draco was reliving the worst time in his life.

**Authors Note:** The next chapter will answer most of the questions you guys may have about "that night" as it's commonly referred to by Draco. Not a happy thing... Sorry if my writing sounds a little dry... To say I don't like writing in third person is an understatement but I love challenges so that's why I even bother with it. I know I'm not doing the story justice but I'm seriously trying! Reviews are awesome and PMs are amazing, either will make my miserable life worth living, at least for the moment. Also as I think I said in my warning, I am only doing this story for fun so flames mean nothing, also reviews telling how I can improve are super appreciated!

1-17-11 Hey guys sorry but I won't be able to upload the next chapter for a little while longer! I'm so sorry! I decided that I didn't like how I wrote it at all so now I'm completely rewriting chapter 3 and possibly later chapters too. On top of that, I've been remodeling my house and all the holidays and my birthday and a ton of my friends birthdays and so everything piles on top of everything and I have found little to no time to write. I am so sorry for being so completely unreliable but I will try to change! Geez... I'm starting to sound like my ex. Anyways, I am so sorry and I'll post the next chapter within this week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Memories Part 3**

_"I'm home," called a voice from the front door. Draco got up from the couch and walked to the door where Harry was pulling off his coat. A grin spread across Draco's face as he grabbed Harry from behind. One hand made its way under the white button down shirt, moving upwards to encircle a nipple while the other hand trailed down a thin hip and slid to stroke the inside of Harry's left thigh. "Welcome home," Draco whispered in Harry's left ear._

_"Draco," sighed Harry, who tugged and succeeded in pulling Draco's arms from him. He turned around to meet Draco's cool grey eyes. "I'm too tired to be attacked almost as soon as I walk in the door. Besides, I had a long day and since I'll have more work to do tomorrow I need a long night of sleep, something that doesn't include you pounding into me all night long."_

_"This is what? The third night you've stayed late and now you want to stay late tomorrow too?" said Draco, anger beginning to show in his voice._

_"Please don't start-"_

_"And you even gave up last weekend for a case that was what? A child's prank? I thought Aurors work on harder cases than that," Draco sighed, releasing his tension and rubbed his eyes with his palms._

_"I'm sorry," Harry said with sincerity. Draco reached out and Harry fell against his chest and Draco wrapped his long arms around Harry._

_"No, don't apologize. I know it's not your fault. I'm just frustrated. Go relax on the couch, I'll find something easy to make for dinner." Draco pressed his lips to the top of Harry's head._

_"Thank you," said Harry as Draco pulled away and headed to the kitchen._

_The next night, Draco waited until the early hours of morning until the front door opened to allow his lover entrance into their home. Like the night before, Harry brushed Draco off and again the night was quiet. Their life fell into a routine, Harry coming home late and Draco, whose job composes of creating self-defense spells, was usually home waiting for the night Harry might be in the mood for something. It was two weeks later before Draco finally had enough._

_"Another," he called to the bartender as he slammed the shot down on the counter. Draco decided that if Harry was going to stay out late then he might as well too. It was completely fair in his mind._

_"I'll buy your next round," said a voice that sounded like honey, smooth and just like honey, stuck in his head._

_That was the first night that Draco woke up next to someone who wasn't Harry and at the time, he doubted it would be the last._

_Stumbling through the front door, Draco was welcomed to an empty house, save for the brown owl resting on the back of a chair. Crushed in the grip of its left talons was a letter which Draco grabbed and read. It was a quick note from Harry saying that he was going to spend the night at work and he hoped he would be able to see Draco sometime the next day. Another few seconds were spent looking at the letter before he crushed the paper even more than it already was and threw it without even looking or caring where it landed. Draco ran his fingers through his blond hair and sighed. _Better get some sleep, _he thought before trudging up the stairs and into the cold bedroom that awaited him. _

_Draco smiled at the man sitting next to him at the bar. It felt good to be going out, knowing how busy Harry had been. Draco shook his head trying to clear his thoughts of Harry. He wouldn't let those thoughts of his lover ruin a good night in the town. If Harry was going to be too busy to even pay attention to him then he was just going to find someone else he could have fun with._

_"Hey, you look a little stressed, how 'bout a drink, on me?" asked the guy. Draco gave him a devilish grin and the guy called for two drinks. Two soon became four and four became ten. Both were feeling the alcohol when Draco asked if they could go somewhere to have a little fun. The man agreed._

_He woke up in the hotel bed, sheets tangled with his legs and a massive headache pounding on his mind. His partner was nowhere to be seen and the clock said 2 a.m. Draco stretched out before sitting up and looking for his clothes. A note on the nightstand probably had the other man's name and number but Draco didn't bother looking at it before shoving it into the pocket on his jacket. After finding his wand, Draco Apparated back to the house hoping Harry was asleep._

_Draco opened the front door and stepped in, closing it behind him. The house was dark and silent and he headed down to the kitchen to find a bottle of water. Clicking the light switch on the left, the light revealed something made Draco regret his earlier decision._

_The small table that they usually ate at was set up for a nice dinner. Two long candles sat in the middle with a vase containing a red rose between them. A clean white table cloth was placed and two plates were set on opposite sides. Wine glasses were there to hold the red wine which was still in the cooler and overall it looked like it would have been a very romantic dinner. The only thing wrong with the picture was a box of tissues sat on one end with a couple of used pieces laid crinkled up next to it. Draco had a sudden wave of guilt wash over him at the thought that Harry was crying over him while he was out shagging some random guy. It was the first time that he regretted having one of his one night stands, and there were quite a few in the past few weeks._

_He walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs into the bedroom where he found more wadded up tissues next to the bed where Harry was curled up asleep. Draco pressed a small kiss against his warm, tear-stained cheek and then pulled back. Harry stirred a little before opening his eyes and reaching to turn on the lamp on the nightstand._

_"Draco?" he asked, sleep slurring his words. "You're finally home," he said and then smiled before reaching out and pulling Draco into a hug. "You smell like alcohol," Harry said while wrinkling his nose. Another sniff and his eyes widened. "Alcohol and cologne? This isn't your cologne, or mine for that matter. There's something else too that I can't name." He took another breath not letting Draco pull out of his grasp. Harry's eyes widened a second time before the red rimmed eyes filled with tears as he pulled open the note he found in Draco's pocket._

_"'_Had a fun night Draco. Meet me sometime and we could have some more fun and I'll pay you back for the hotel room. Seth.' _Draco, who is Seth?"_

_"Nobody. Just some guy I met at the bar," said Draco trying to cover the impossible. He wished he threw away the note instead of putting it in his pocket._

_"Did you and him...?" A tear rolled down Harry's face before he tore the blankets off of him and walked to the wardrobe to pull out a change of clothes._

_"Harry, it's not like that. Sure we did it but it didn't mean anything."_

_"Don't you dare try to reason with me! I knew you were cheating on me! I just knew it but I told myself that I was over reacting, that you wouldn't do that to me. Guess I was wrong." Draco rushed over and pulled Harry into his arms._

_"Harry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's just you never had any time for me lately and when you did you were too tired to have sex or anything. So I went out to find someone who would." Harry pulled away from him arms and crossed to the other side of the room._

_"So this is my fault? I couldn't give you what you wanted so you went out to find someone who would? Is that all I am to you anymore? Just a... a sex toy? I thought we loved each other, was that a lie? Was everything a lie just so you could have your fun?"_

_"Harry no!" shouted Draco rushing to Harry to comfort him and dry the tears that were running like waterfalls down his face._

_"Don't come near me! Don't touch me!" he yelled when Draco finally got close. "Get out! Go! I can't stand to see your face anymore!" Harry shouted burying his head in his hands. Anger was slowly building in Draco and his muscles were tensing up, like a rubber band being pulled to tight. How could his lover say these sorts of things to him? He might have messed up but that was no reason for him not to ever want to see him again._

_"Draco! Go and find another sex toy because I am not yours to play with!" The tight rubber band finally snapped. Draco surged forward and grabbed Harry's hands to pin above his head._

_"You are mine. You will always be mine and I sure as heck won't leave," he shouted before smashing his lips against Harry's mouth. He forced his tongue in after a gasp from Harry. Harry awoke from the surprise and bit down hard on Draco's tongue, tasting the sharp, metallic taste of blood._

_"You dare bite me?" sneered Draco as he pressed Harry harder into the wall, making him hit his head._

_"Stop! Draco stop! You're hurting me!" Harry shouted but it was no use, Draco was impossible to get through to. He ground against Harry before pulling him from the wall and throwing him onto the bed. Harry rolled onto his stomach to try and scramble away but Draco straddled him before he could. Draco ripped the pajama shirt Harry was wearing and used that to tie his hands together._

_"Draco, please stop," Harry pleaded, tears slid from his eyes as his pants were ripped down. His green eyes squeezed shut but just when he braced himself for the worst, Draco stopped. The grip on him had loosened and Harry opened his eyes to find Draco looking at his own hands in disbelief. The blond man suddenly untied Harry, climbed off him and practically ran out of the room. _

_Harry could hear the front door slam shut and he released the breath he never realized he was holding. Shakily he brought his hands up to cover his face as he cried out about what just happened and how cruel Draco really could be._

_"Get out," said Harry in a voice that was so cold, Antarctica would be like the sun in comparison. Draco was sitting in the living room. The dark circles under his eyes were the only things that marred his pale white skin. The morning sunlight spilled over the room and each knew that the other had not slept at all the night before. Harry spent the night curled in a ball right where Draco had left him and Draco spent the night wandering the streets without a destination in mind. He had so many unanswered questions running through his head, the main ones being how could he have possibly turned into such a monster, and how could he earn Harry's forgiveness._

_"Harry, I know this probably won't mean much to you but I feel terrible and I'm so sorry about what I did." There was a moment of silence before he looked up to face Harry, whose face was impossible to read. Draco stood and moved away from the chair, offering it to Harry who took the offer and sat down._

_"I will forgive you," a sigh of relief escaped his lips at his lover's words, "but I never want to see your face again." Draco fell a few steps back hitting the wall. His chest constricted to the point that breathing was impossible and his heart was ripping to pieces at the words._

Draco recovered from his memory only to hear a knock at the door. He rushed to open it, even if it was just Pansy standing on the other side.

"Draco," began the figure at the door, "you look like crap."

**Author's note:** Yes I know that this is a little extreme. I truly know because I was practically crying as I wrote what was happening to Harry. I'll say this now to all the people who actually read this far, that everything is going to change and there will be new pieces to the puzzle which will all be placed together later. Probably in chapter five, which will likely be the last chapter unless I feel I need to extend it. Whoever wants it to drag out longer, please review or PM me and I'll consider it. I am so glad I was able to post this chapter today! So sorry I couldn't do it earlier! I'm such an idiot! I'm really sorry!


	4. Chapter 4

**Reliving No More**

"Draco, you look like crap," said Harry. Draco just gaped at the person haunting his mind for the past five years. He didn't look much different. Still had a mop of dark hair which covered his scar and was threatening to cover his cold green eyes. The face Draco couldn't read was the expression Harry was wearing while he did his own scan of Draco.

"Come in," said Draco as he stepped back, allowing more than enough room for Harry to enter. Harry accepted the invitation and Draco shut the door behind him. "Care for some tea or any other refreshment?" he asked trying to hide the emotions that were coursing through him.

"A cup of tea would be fine." Draco nodded and walled towards the kitchen, not seeing if Harry was following. Apparently he was because Draco heard Harry's footsteps following in time with his own from behind him. When he reached the kitchen, he waved his wand around to get a pot of water on the stove and two teacups on the kitchen island. Then he placed the tea bags in the cups and waited for the water to heat up while Harry took a seat on one of the stools. There was silence until Draco flicked his wand again to pour the water into the cups.

"Sugar?" he asked and Harry shook his head. He took a sip and set the cup down to speak.

"Let's get down to business," he said as he pulled something from his pocket. Draco recognized it as the letter he sent, now crumpled up and almost ripped in a few places. "Why did you send this letter? Why after five years, did you contact me sounding like you were so guilt ridden? Did you run out of _toys_? Thought that you might be able to rekindle what you had with me, and I'd just let you use me any way you wanted?" Each question was filled with more and more anger. Draco just silently listened to each of Harry's questions waiting for the end. He remembered that Harry was a very passionate and emotional person, which was much to his surprise back when they first got together. In other words, he was all bark and no bite. "So what? What are your reasons?"

"I heard from someone that you were unhappy and-"

"You had someone spy on me?" asked Harry, sounding incredulous.

"No, Pansy just saw you and she felt she had to tell me," Draco replied calmly. Harry stayed silent so Draco continued with what he was talking about before. "Anyways, I heard you were unhappy and thought I had to do something. I wrote that letter and sent it. The reason it sound like I was full of guilt is because I am. I couldn't stand the fact that I caused you so much pain and, I don't know, I was compelled to do something. Anything. Since you told me not to find you all I could do was send you a letter." Harry glared at Draco.

"You have no right to be concerned about me." Draco lowered his eyes not being able to meet Harry's. "Now that I'm out of the picture, I bet you're having a party with a new guy every night."

"I haven't been with anyone else since that night," said Draco with complete honesty.

"You're lying!" shouted Harry. "You couldn't even stop yourself from going out with other while we were still together!" The last word he said sounded like it was a curse, or a poison to Harry's own tongue and Draco winced at how much hatred he had towards their old relationship.

"You can interrogate me, you can accuse me, call me a liar but I will still swear on my life that the only person I have ever loved was you." The emotions that Draco were feeling, the anger, sadness and pain all mixed together and came out in his voice, making Harry flinch.

"How can I believe you? When you lied to me about loving me?"

"I never lied!" Draco said interrupting Harry. "If you remember that night, I never lied to you once. Every word I said was true. It was you who came up with such accusations and it was you who believed them and it was you who didn't let me clear them up." A familiar feeling was rising in Draco, the feeling of a rubber band being pulled too tightly.

"So it's my fault? You're still putting all the blame on me?" Just before that rubber band snapped, Draco took in a deep breath and let it out along with all the tension.

"I dare say that we share the blame. I will claim most of it but I believe part of the blame goes to you when you lied," said Draco, calmly.

"I lied?" asked Harry, not believing what just came from Draco's mouth.

"When you said you forgave me, you lied. If you really did forgive me, you would have let go of all your anger towards me. You would have moved on, found someone you loved, someone who loved and cherished you. Someone completely different from me." In the middle of what Draco was saying Harry had turned away, and by the end he was doing all but covering his ears.

"I don't have to listen to you or your lies and for the record, I did not lie." Harry stood from the stool, pulled out his wand and Apparated leaving Draco alone with nothing more than two cups of tea and another tear in his heart.

Draco sighed before manually washing the cups and putting them back in the cupboard. Slowly he walked into the garden and walked down the path to the bench he always sat at. Wind rustled the dead leaves and a few leaves scraped across the stone paths but other than that, the garden was silent. Draco waited for some memory to flash before his eyes but nothing came. He sat still without a flash back or a look into the past though to say his mind was clear would be a lie.

Harry's visit brought so much confusion to Draco's mind that he didn't know what to think. He didn't even know where to begin sorting the mess that Harry caused. Why didn't Harry just throw away the letter? It wasn't like he had anything to do with Draco. Finally he stood only to pace back and forth hoping that would help in some way. With such a cloudy mind he almost didn't notice the small bit of green in the garden until it hit him in the face. Draco stumbled back, not expecting the tree branch to hit him. He reached out dumbfounded as his hand caressed the delicate green leave on the branch that whacked him in the face. With his eyes he followed the branch until it connected with the largest tree in the garden. The jungle of death might not have been dead after all.

**Author's Note: **Yay! Harry's back! New twist, huh? Ooh! I so can't wait to finish the next chapter! Even I have no idea how it will end, not that I want it to end any time soon... Review or PM and ask me to make it longer if you want it to be and I'll think about it. Or you can just review or PM just because you want to. Or you don't have to do either... but that makes me sort of sad so please tell me your opinions through reviews and PMs!


	5. Chapter 5

**A Possibility**

"Are you going to let me in or not?" Harry asked a very confused Draco a week after his last visit.

"What are you doing here?" Draco asked in return as he stepped back, allowing entrance. Harry walked in careful to keep a little bit of distance between them.

"I was hoping to see the garden. It was my favorite place in this manor," replied Harry. Draco pictured how terrible the garden looked and couldn't help but wince at what Harry's reaction would be at the sight.

"You know the way," Draco gave in, knowing that Harry would not be the happiest wizard when he finds what happened to the garden.

Harry walked down the corridor that led to the door to the garden. When he finally opened the door, his eyes met the desolate area that used to be known as a garden. A small chuckle escaped his lips before escalating to a full laugh. It was a cruel and sarcastic laughter, not one a person would do in joy but one someone do when he felt so terrible that he couldn't think of anything else to do. Harry's arm wrapped around his waist and the other hand covered his mouth but it did nothing to muffle his laughter. Draco stood behind him, gaping with his mouth open wide. That was not the reaction he was expecting at all.

"I used to think this was a garden of our love. I sound like a girl, I know," he said and shook his head at his own foolishness, before turning around and facing Draco. "I took such good care of this garden, even if I knew nothing about ninety percent of the plants. This garden was a place I could express my love without words, without anything and _you_ would be able to see it whenever you wanted." He inhaled a deep breath, closing his eyes until he finally let it out. "Seeing it all dead and rotten like this, it's ironic isn't it?" Harry took a few steps back and looked around the garden one last time before pulling out his wand. He was about to flick it to Apparate but Draco stopped him.

"Wait!" Harry looked at him, wand in the air. "I," he choked out and then cleared his throat and tried to speak again. "I want to show you something." Draco stretched out his hand to Harry who shook his head at the hand but lowered his wand allowing Draco to lead him to the spot he found the last time Harry was there.

This time there were more green leaves on the branch and many on other branches. These leaves proved the tree was still alive, still ready to fight the overriding feeling of death surrounding it. Harry stumbled forward, intent on the branch. Slowly he reached out his hand, cautious to touch the leave. He looked as though the leaf would crumble in his fingers when he finally caressed the live green bit. Slowly he stroked the leaves with hands that shook ever so slightly. After about a minute he threw he hand back to his side and turned to walk past Draco.

Quickly Draco snatched the hand that almost brushed his and pulled Harry back to look him in the eyes. Harry either flinched at the surprise or at the touch itself, neither reason making a difference to Draco.

"Why? Why are you really here again? You know you didn't have to pay any mind to that letter, and you wouldn't if you didn't want any more do with me." Harry couldn't resist looking into cold grey eyes. He didn't even pull against the hold Draco had on his arm, and instead chose to stand still. "Did you want to come back and see me as the same cruel heartless man in your thoughts who everyday shared a bed with some new guy, not having a care in the world? Wake up Harry. I'm a man living in his own guilt and regret who can't seem to forget about the life he lost five years ago."

The last sentence broke the gaze that Harry held and he finally pulled himself out of Draco's grasp. Then he turned his back to Draco who heard a few deep breaths coming from the otherwise silent figure before Harry decided to speak.

"Yes. Yes I did want to come back and see you up to your old ways. That way," he paused taking in a deep breath, trying to calm the shaking in his voice. "That way I wouldn't be able to fall in love with you again."

"What?" Draco asked as soon as he recovered from his stupor.

"You weren't the only one who felt guilty, and couldn't stop thinking about that night. Deep down, I wished you didn't listen to me, I wished that you would have ran after me when I left and never let me go again."

"What?"

"I'm saying," Harry drew in a long breath before shouting the next three words without a pause between. "Iloveyou!" He collapsed to his knees looking down at the ground, his hands reached up to cover his face.

"What?" At the repeated word, Draco almost slapped himself in the head. Harry pulled his hands away in order to look up at him, green eyes wide and hopeful. At that moment Draco didn't think Harry ever looked more beautiful as he knelt down to level himself with the man he loved. Slightly trembling, Harry pulled Draco's hand to his cheek and leaned into it closing his eyes.

"I love you," he whispered and Draco just leaned in closer keeping his hand on Harry and pulling his head till their lips were only an inch away.

"I love you too," Draco whispered onto Harry's lips before pressing his own lightly against them. Other than his hand on Harry's cheek, he held him in no other way, letting Harry decide if he wanted what was happening. Apparently he did, because a few seconds into the chaste kiss he parted his lips wanting more, and who was Draco to deny him?

His other hand reached up to hold the back of Harry's neck and Harry's arms wrapped around Draco's shoulders. Taking that as his cue, Draco smoothly slipped his tongue into the warm mouth and Harry softly mewled into his mouth. His tongue traced every single bit of Harry's mouth making sure he was well reacquainted as the familiar taste locked onto his taste buds. The sweet and minty taste of Harry that he missed so much. The kiss was soft, gentle and really slow. Draco wanted to reassure Harry that he changed but Harry had other ideas.

A small wave of surprise swept over Draco as Harry pushed his tongue out of his mouth and followed it with his own. Harry tried to make the kiss more passionate, by swirling his tongue around Draco's and by trying other tricks but Draco wouldn't let anything get to him. Harry soon found out Draco took things at his own pace.

With lips and hands, Draco released Harry and was about to pull away when strong arms kept him from doing so. Grey eyes met half lidded green ones.

"I... I want you," Harry whispered and leaned his head down to rest on the shoulder in front of him.

"I can't." Two words made the warm body holding him pull back and the skin pale to white. Draco cringed at the reaction but didn't move to comfort him.

"Why?" Harry scooted back but a hand caught his own and brought it up to pale pink lips.

"Because I can't trust myself not to hurt you again," Draco whispered against Harry's palm. Shock was the first emotion that Harry wore before it changed to something much softer and a smile spread across his lips.

Harry didn't say a word, just leaned forward and brushed his lips against Draco's. With the gentle movements of lips on lips Draco finally understood what he was implying and pulled Harry back into his warm embrace.

**Author's Note: **Well, there's the fifth chapter! Think everything is going great? *Evil laugh* just wait till the next chapter... Geez... I think I've had too much caffeine. Getting three hours of sleep each night is going to kill me sometime, that or I'll pass out at a terrible time. Oh well. Review or PM, please! Thanks so much to the people who already have!


	6. Chapter 6

**Trust**

Draco thought he was dreaming since he was in a bedroom with Harry again but the smaller man under him kept him from fully believing that it wasn't real. Harry's mouth was pressed against Draco's and his tongue was trying hard to entwine itself with his. He pulled away for a moment and sat on his knees looking down at Harry whose clothes were disheveled and face was a slight pink color. For a moment, Draco wondered if kisses can make someone drunk but the thought flew from his mind as he leaned back down to kiss Harry's neck. From the neck he moved down to trace along what was seen of Harry's collar bone.

"Mm, Draco," Harry said as he wrapped his arms around Draco. He could feel his shirt being unbuttoned and cold hands exploring his skin. He felt soft lips pressing kisses onto his skin and he felt his heart that was almost beating out of his chest.

Minutes or hours, Harry couldn't tell how long Draco spent loving the skin before him. Neither of them could believe what was happening. Draco's hands traced every line and contour of Harry's torso. A finger slowly circled a pink nipple before Draco's tongue followed suit. He could feel it harden and he somehow managed a smirk with his tongue still licking at the smaller man's chest. A small sweet mewl came from Harry's mouth as he reached up to entwine his fingers in the blond hair in front of him. Suddenly the dream turned in a different direction as a pale hand slid under the waistband of Harry's pants.

"Draco, stop!" Harry cried out with fear in his green eyes. Draco froze in his position but didn't try to remove his hand. "Draco, please Draco, don't."

"Don't you trust me?"

"I'm just..." his shaking voice trailed off.

"You're afraid, right?" Harry was wide-eyed, waiting for Draco's reaction. The man removed his hand and sat back, using his other hand to pull Harry up into a sitting position. Draco pulled Harry into his arms and held on tight to the trembling body.

"I'm sorry," said Harry in a small voice.

"No, don't apologize. It's my fault, all of this is my fault," Draco whispered into his ear. He planned to hold Harry there for a while longer but apparently Harry had other ideas. Harry released himself from the warm embrace and got off the bed.

"I should go," he said as he straightened his shirt and fumbled to get the buttons through the holes. Draco wad tempted to help when Harry just turned around and headed to the door, leaving the half buttoned shirt the way it was. "Bye," he said quickly before leaving through the door. Draco heard him running from the room and down the hall.

He sat staring at the recently vacated space and then fell forward onto the bed, groaning at his lost chance. He knew Harry, and knew that if he ran out like that, without the thought of pulling out his wand to Apparate, he wouldn't be back for a while.

He was out in the garden pulling some of the weeds by hand in the flower beds that were closest to the door when a familiar owl swooped down and dropped a small envelope. It had been a month since he had last seen Harry and Draco knew this envelop had information that will make him sink or swim.

Draco almost jumped for joy, and Malfoys never jump for joy, because the small letter was asking if Draco wanted to go to dinner with Harry. The letter made it clear that that was all they were going to do but even so, Draco's heart was beating fast in anticipation.

After brushing the dirt off his hands and knees, he walked inside and to his room where he spent the rest of the afternoon making himself look as good as possible to Harry.

It was half past six before Draco finally deemed himself ready. Harry would probably laugh at him if he knew how long he spent in front of the mirror. He smirked in the mirror and tucked a stray blond strand in with the rest. A few minutes later and he was standing at his door with a new cloak on. He pulled out his wand and Apparated to the restaurant. The note said to be there at seven but being twenty minutes early shouldn't be a problem. He wanted to show that Harry could trust him and he wouldn't have to worry while waiting for him to show up.

He stood outside of the restaurant, waiting for a sign of Harry. As he waited a few thoughts crossed his mind. One of them was the fact that this was likely the first time he had stepped out of the manor in almost five years. Draco looked up and down the busy street that seemed no different than it was years ago. The lights from all the other businesses still practically lit up the street to the point that it looked like the sun was up.

A dark brown mop of hair was spotted a little ways down the street and Draco instantly recognized it as Harry's hair. A smirk spread across Draco's face as he walked to meet Harry.

"Were you waiting long?" asked Harry when they were a few feet apart.

"Not at all," he replied and got closer to Harry. Draco leaned down to place a light kiss on Harry's tantalizing lips. Harry turned his head at the last second and the kiss landed on his cheek. Draco thought it was unusual but didn't waste any more time thinking about it. Harry still didn't quite trust him and he knew it would be a while before he did.

They headed into the restaurant and walked straight up to the young man at the podium.

"Do you have reservations?" asked the man.

"Potter, table for two," said Harry a little impatiently.

"Ah, Potter, yes. Right this way," he said taking two menus and led them through the restaurant and to the small secluded table with a nice view of the city. The man set down the menus, smiled and then walked back leaving the two standing at the table.

Draco felt it was poor service but held his tongue. He pulled out Harry's chair who blushed before sitting and letting Draco push the chair in. Draco walked to the other side of the table and sat in his own seat.

"We need to talk about what happened," Harry said clearing the silence. Draco noticed Harry seemed anxious and agitated and he wondered if Harry thought of this dinner in the same way that Draco thought of it.

"And I agree," he replied. Harry turned his head to the side and cleared his throat.

"I don't think we should be together. Maybe as friends but not as lovers again."

"Why?" Draco asked, not showing the emotions that he felt at Harry's words.

"Because I'm scared, I'm scared it'll turn out like last time and I just can't go through that again."

"It won't-"

"How do I know that?" Harry snapped back. "For all I know you could be an amazing actor and can easily lie who spends every night in a house with a lot of men. You may be telling the truth but how am I supposed to believe you? I just want to be friends." Draco waited a minute, letting the words set into his mind before he decided to speak.

"I can't be just friends. I love you like a lover, I can't just jump into being just friends with you. It doesn't work that way."

"But-"

"It's not like when we barely knew each other and were able to set aside what happened in the war to be friends. No, I've already experienced too much with you. And even if I could just be your friend, would you really trust me, feel comfortable around me? Around a person who wants to kiss you, who wants to hold you, who wants to spend every second of every day with you, could you really be friends with me?" Draco paused a minute to allow his words to sink into Harry's mind. "I finally have a chance to be with you again and do you really think I'll settle for being friends? It's all or nothing, Harry. It can't be halfway." Harry hung his head down and Draco regretted being so harsh.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I know you love me and I know you're scared. Maybe we could try-"

"No, you're right. We can never be just friends. You said it was all or nothing, right? I choose nothing." Harry abruptly stood and headed out of the restaurant. He was in so much shock that Draco almost forgot how to stand up. When he did and raced out the same way, he was met with an empty street.

"Dammit!" Draco cursed, punching the brick wall of the restaurant with all the force he could muster. He punched it again and again, until his knuckles bled and he fell against the wall, not knowing what to do.

"What can I get for you?"

"Something I can drown my sorrows with," Draco replied to the old bartender, who was drying a martini glass when he sat on the stool. This used to be his usual bar, so many wonderful, terrible memories were created here and every single one of them Draco regretted. Every memory but one. The memory of meeting Harry here for the first time after the war.

"Broken heart?" The bartender asked, pulling a small brown bottle and a shot glass off the shelf.

"Broken?" Draco scoffed. "It was broken five years ago. Now it's shredded."

"Women can do that. What was she like?" asked the bartender. Draco didn't know if he sounded reminiscent or comforting, not that he really cared. The man set down the shot glass in front of Draco who downed it in one gulp.

"_He_ was perfect, smart, fun, and so easy to love, but also so easy to take advantage of, knowingly or not."

"You don't seem like the type to swing the other way." Draco let out a heartless chuckle and shook his head.

"Neither of us did until we really got to know each other and then it just felt right, like it was destiny." The bartender just nodded and poured another shot.

"Well, I have nothing against you guys. I have a nephew like that. Came out and told us all, right off the bat. Sure, it was a shock but he said that that was who he was and there's no use trying to change him. So what happened?" Draco took a deep breath and told a condensed version of his story, minus a few parts like forcing himself on Harry and what happened last month.

"Your story sounds absolutely terrible," said a voice to his left. A man sat a few stools down, twirling the olive in his martini. He had short dark blond hair, and light blue eyes that stared back at Draco with full interest. "Want me to comfort you tonight?" A provocative smile spread across his face but Draco just couldn't find it tempting like it would have in the past. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the bartender turn his head away and then walk to the other side of the counter. Draco rubbed his fingers over the sore and scraped skin on his knuckles and took a deep breath before shaking his head.

"Sorry, but I think alcohol will be the only thing comforting me tonight." With that said Draco stood, placed a couple bills on the counter to pay for the drinks and then headed out of the bar. What he said was a lie. He knew of one other thing that could comfort him and that was exactly what he was going to do.

**Author's Note:** Sorry guys but I have to leave you hanging a little, and plus it'll be a while before I can post the next chapter, since I have the deadly "writer's block." This chapter alone was so hard to write because I didn't quite know what to do... I didn't want Harry to just go along with Draco, because wouldn't that be kind of stupid? Plus it would ruin what I have planned for future chapters. I wanted Harry to be a little... conflicted (is that the word?) inside. I wanted part of him to love Draco and part of him to be scared and for some reason it was really hard to figure out how to do that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Reborn**

"Coming," a woman's voice called in reply to Draco's ceaseless knocking. The door opened right when Draco was about to pound on the door again. He was met with a woman's face. Her long and curly hair hung loose and her brown eyes looked tired, as if her day had not ran so smoothly at the ministry. She was wearing a casual pink sweater and jeans, fuzzy red slippers covered her feet.

"Malfoy?" she asked confused. What are you-"

"Hermione," he said cutting her off, not caring that he was being too familiar. "I need your help. You're good at herbology right?" Confusion filled her features.

"Yes, but-"

"Hermione? Who was at the door?" Ron's voice called from another room but got louder as he got closer. Finally a door on the left opened and the red headed Weasley entered. "You," he sneered.

"Ron, please don't-" Hermione started to say but before she could finish Ron surged ahead of her. He reared back his hand and punched Draco in the cheek with enough force to knock him back a few steps.

"Ron!" Hermione shouted allowing Draco enough time to regain as much composure as he could with a cheek that was already beginning to swell. "If you could let me finish a sentence I would have been able to tell you that Malfoy only wants help with something that has to do with herbology." Though she defended him, he noted she didn't have Ron apologize or apologize herself.

"Even so, this guy is the reason why Harry has been so," his voice trailed off and his right hand came up and scratched the side of his head. "You know," he finally managed to say.

"Ron, that is a horrible thing to say," said Hermione, sincerely shocked.

"No, Hermione," said Draco whose words where a little slurred thanks to the insane amount of swelling on the side of his face. It was amazing he still had all of his teeth. "Ron's right. It's my fault." Hermione's face grew hard and her eyes narrowed.

"You better come in and explain. Everything." Draco walked and followed Hermione to the living room. He felt like a prisoner being escorted when Ron came up behind him. She motioned for him to sit down in one of the chairs or the large plush couch. Draco chose a chair while the other two chose the couch.

"Could you please tell us what is going on between you and Harry?" Though she asked it very politely, there was a tone in her voice that implied that she would kill him if he said one wrong word. Because of that, Draco chose his words carefully, his own tone remaining as monotonous as possible.

"Harry and I were friends a year after the war. We met at a bar and since we were both quite drunk we forgot about past grudges and just talked, like we weren't enemies, like we didn't have to find the most painful way to attack at each other. About a year after that we tried dating and it was just natural to love each other like we've done so our entire life." He took a deep breath trying to hold back the rush of emotions he felt just saying that much. The memories were like knives ripping into his control but he forced himself to endure. "We lived together for two years when things began to fall apart. Harry suddenly got loads of cases to solve and then it wasn't _us_ living in the house but _Harry _and _me_. We did everything but sleeping, separated and I couldn't handle it. I started to go out with other men." Draco lowered his eyes as Hermione gasped and he could practically feel the tension emanating from Ron though neither said a word. He took that as his cue to continue

"I'm not proud of what I did and when Harry found out, that was it. He cut off all ties from me saying that if I tried to find him, he would kill me, or worse." Draco smoothly left out the worst part, knowing none of them, himself included, would be able to stand hearing that. "I sold the house, and everything in it, not being able to bear all the memories and locked myself away at my manor. Barely sleeping and barely eating was the most I could do to stay sane from all the dreams and flashbacks and memories of _him. Everything _reminded me of him, whether it was a rainy Sunday or a bit of dust. I felt it was my punishment and then Pansy had to find me after five years just to tell me that Harry was being 'a tosser.' It pushed me to writing Harry a letter and he came back. He came back and asked me why, then said I had no right to care about him and after a short argument, he left. I knew he still didn't forgive me but-"

A sharp shout came from Ron, who abruptly stood.

"Get out!" Draco even flinched at the tone that the voice was in. "You weren't welcome here to begin with and you definitely aren't welcome now. I'm glad Harry won't forgive you." Draco stood, managing a little dignity and walked out the door before he Apparated to the manor. He didn't need their help, though deep inside him he knew that wasn't true. Harry could never go against his friends. So if they were against the whole relationship, Harry would be too.

"Stupid Gryffindor honor," he complained to empty space. He walked down the hall and to the garden. After putting on gloves he proceeded to clear the weeds.

After about an hour there was a knock at the door. Draco set down the weeds, pulled off his gloves, threw them down next to the weed pile and brushed off his clothes. He walked to the door in a slight hurry, stretching out his cramped muscles. Draco opened the door to find someone he didn't expect on the other side.

"Let me see that garden of yours," said Hermione who pushed by him into the manor. "I presume it _is_ a garden that you need help with?" Draco barely managed to nod and close the door. "Well?"

"Oh, yes," Draco mumbled and closed the door. Hermione definitely had a commanding presence and for a moment he wondered if it was because of her position at the ministry. "This way." He led her down to the door out to the garden. She took two steps out and stops, her eyes scanning, settling on the pile of weeds.

"You do know that there are spells that would make weeding a lot easier and faster for that matter?" She asked, turning to him with a look of apathy.

"I don't want to use magic," Draco said simply, with a tone that left no room for argument.

"You should at least hire some gardeners to help," Hermione said leaning over to pull up a handful of weeds."

"Don't do that!" Draco shouted, reaching to stop her. Her fingers loosened and she straightened up.

"Then why did you ask for my help?" Suspicion filled her voice and Draco sighed before rubbing his hand over his face in mild frustration.

"I just need to know what plants need what and how much water, how much sun, what I need to do to get them to bloom. Just the facts. I don't need help with any of the physical labor." Another sigh escaped his lips and he decided to busy himself picking up smaller piles of weeds and putting them into a larger pile. He couldn't face Hermione for some reason. Maybe he was ashamed for doing so much for a hopeless cause or he was afraid of what she would say when she found the reason for him going to such great lengths for a pathetic garden.

"You're doing all this for Harry." It wasn't a question, but Draco nodded anyways not knowing how else to answer.

"I could tell earlier when you were telling about what happened. The way you spoke about Harry, even though you tried to hide it, it was as if he is the only light in your life. A lot of people probably can say that he is but none actually mean it." Draco looked down wanting to avoid what she was saying; he knew he didn't deserve Harry. "None, except for you." His eyes shot up to meet hers and a small smile touched her lips. "And Harry needs you just as much, if not more." She turned around, leaving Draco in complete shock.

"Glowing nightbloom, it needs to be watered about once a day and doesn't need much sunlight. Only blooms at night. Looks like you'll have quite a few blooming, and it makes a very romantic sight since the petals illuminate the night with a white glow." Her head turned just enough that Draco could see half of her face. "You should be taking notes because this could take a while and some of these plants require a lot of care." Draco snapped out of the trance he had and used his wand to bring a small notebook and pencil to him. The rest of the day was spent walking around the garden, Hermione listing the requirements for each plant and Draco taking detailed notes on each, but he never once thought about what he was writing. The main thought going through his head being that Harry needed him and nothing could distract him from that.

When Hermione finally left Draco alone, he set to work weeding the garden and taking care of some minimal requirements, hope fueling his actions. By the time the moon was close to setting, Draco was halfway through with the weeding the vast expanse of plants and it was beginning to look less like a jungle and more like the beautiful garden it once was. He threw off his gloves and sat down on the stone bench for a minute. It was then when he noticed a faint white glow, an extreme contrast to the black of the night and the orange fire of his torch standing in the dirt.

He pushed himself from the bench and quickly headed to where the glowing nightbloom plants were blooming. A large grin spread across his face as he caressed the soft petals. Nothing but weeds have grown in the garden for years and out of nowhere the plants started to grow again. First the tree and now flowers. Deep down, Draco believed it was because Harry came back, even for just short while, but in that small amount of time, the garden seemed to decide it was time to live again. As if it wanted to wake up to Harry, like he was its guardian and Draco only helped make it possible.

Draco leaned forward to smell the scent pouring from the plant and wondered why it was completely unfamiliar, even the flower and leaves didn't strike a chord in his memory. Something that Hermione once said made its way into Draco's thoughts.

_"Glowing nightbloom is born from the death of other plants. The nutrients from the decaying plants are exactly what the seeds need to germinate but once the plant starts growing it doesn't need too much. It's like a phoenix in a way that it can even come back from its own death."_

Looking up at the moon, Draco finally decided it was time for a few hours of sleep and then he'll start again early. It was about time for the garden to be reborn.

**Author's note:** I am amazed! My writer's block didn't last as long as I thought it would, though this chapter was shorter than what I wanted it to be. I put up a poll asking what you guys want to see in chapter 8 so check that out please! Oh and I was reading some of the earlier chapters to get inspiration and apparently Draco pulled off the disappearing sandwich act in the second chapter. I thought it was kind of funny because he was eating it then Pansy started talking and suddenly he was holding his head in his hands and the sandwich didn't get smashed against his face. Oops. The fun thing about writing: finding your mistakes. One time I wrote "just _hunk _about it" instead of "just _think _about it" and another time I wrote "I'm sure you two have some _thongs_ to talk about" instead of "_things _to talk about" and that was a doctor talking to a girl about her and the guy she's unconsciously in love with. Imagine what my teacher thought when she read it. Thanks guys for the reviews! I love them! They're a good medication for Writer's Block!


	8. Chapter 8

**The Garden**

The glare of the sun made him squint as he looked up to find the cause of the racket he was currently being forced to listen to. A large brown owl was perched on one of the tree branches and wouldn't go three seconds without making some kind of noise to grab Draco's attention. He gave up trying to block the noise and walked to the base of the tree, hoping the bird would just drop the letter and leave. It decided to drop the letter but continue with the same noise routine, driving Draco closer to pulling out his wand and making the bird into his dinner. He seriously considered it but figured that owl meat wouldn't taste too great and the owner might miss it, though Draco would never be able to figure out why.

He reached down, picked up the letter and opened the blank envelope to find a letter that seemed familiar and different at the same time. The parchment and ink were completely different from anything he had seen, and he did pay attention to those sort details, but the handwriting could only be by one person. Harry.

_Draco_, the letter began. _I am at Hermione and Ron's and heard some interesting news concerning you. Hermione says that I should try to meet with you again and I think I will agree, though only on my terms. Dinner, tomorrow night at six, at that same restaurant but only as friends and only to talk. Please don't try to be romantic or try to win me over again. I'm not ready for that. I will be waiting. Harry. P.S. Ron apologizes but won't state what for._

Draco folded up the letter and held it to his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. How could a simple letter stir up so much inside of him? It was as if he was a teenager again. He never experienced the typical urges at that age, being a death eater took priority over being a teenager, so it was a possibility that it was just coming to him late in life.

He turned and looked out into the garden. In just a few weeks, it had almost undergone a complete transformation. There were still some plants in the process of growing new leaves and flower buds, but for the most part, the garden was almost as beautiful as it was years ago.

Draco pulled out the little notebook he had out of his pocket, along with the pencil, scribbled out a reply, tore off the note and handed it to the bird whose talons pierced through the delicate paper. It leaped off the branch and into the sky. Draco didn't bother watching it and instead finished up some of the gardening before heading inside the manor. After making his way to the kitchen, he made a small pot of simple soup and waited for it to warm up.

There was a sharp noise and Draco turned to find another owl scratching at the window with one of its feet. The other foot carried a small package. He opened the window, grabbed the package and watched as the large owl backed up and flew into the horizon. Taking a letter opener, he cut off the twine and the paper packaging. Slowly he pulled out heavy platinum square. A small smile touched his lips and he reminded himself to thank the artisan for doing a perfect job on the plaque.

He set it down on the kitchen island and headed out to the garden after quickly eating his bowl of soup. He was thankful for the warm sunny weather and quickly did some menial chores. Draco headed back inside the manor, once the sun began to set and went straight to bed to try to catch up on all the sleep he missed in the past few weeks.

The morning sun hit him through the window. His eyes squinted as he through off the blanket and stood. At the window, he had a clear view of most of property. He could see the other wings of the manor along with the entire garden. Beyond that were low rolling hills and the sun that had probably rose just a couple hours ago. It was at that moment he remembered that the sun has never once rose above the hills, it always set. So unless the earth completely turned around and east was now west, he was running late for the six o' clock dinner. Rushing around got him almost nowhere. In the end he was dressed but that was about all. Quickly he ran a comb through his hair and Apparated.

Draco made it to the restaurant as soon as the clock tower told everyone it was six. He rushed in and to the podium.

"Reservation for Potter." The man smiled and grabbed a menu. He led Draco to the table where a wonderful sight awaited him. Harry was sitting on the left side, holding a small glass of red wine and smiling. He was actually smiling, and Draco drank in the sight like it was a new drug.

The man dropped the menu at the seat on the right and Draco smoothly sat down.

"Hello Harry," he said with a devilish smile.

"Glad you could make it," Harry replied. Draco's heart leaped at sound of his voice and he had to force himself to take control of his body. They were here only as friends, but every fiber of his being wanted to oppose that thought. Draco took a sip of his wine and cleared his mind. He could not afford to think of having their relationship cross that border. He could not lose Harry again, not now, not when he was down to probably his last chance.

"I wouldn't miss this dinner for the world," said Draco who almost slapped himself in the head. Friends wouldn't say that, would they? Harry chose not to respond to that and instead picked up his menu and scanned through it. Draco chose to do the same but his mind didn't focus on the menu, it was racing a million miles an hour about how this whole meeting was going to turn out and already he figured out a thousand different ways that it could go wrong. Some of which included natural disasters and dark wizards along with the basics like spilling wine or bad seafood. The silence between them was stifling and Harry's nonchalant demeanor wasn't helping.

"So how have you been?" Draco asked with only a _slight_ stutter, wondering where his typical suave attitude had gone to and why he was so anxious. He was so afraid of one wrong move, one wrong question and that constant worry had already started to wear down on his mind.

"I've been just fine," Harry replied not even glancing up from his menu.

"That's good." Draco couldn't find anything else to say and couldn't but think of how stupid he probably seemed to Harry. He felt like a teenager on his first date with a girl who was waiting for him to make the first move.

"Excuse me," said someone who must have been the waiter. Draco didn't even bother looking up. "Do you two have something in mind for dinner? I would like to recommend the minestrone."

"I guess that's what I'll have," replied Harry before folding his menu.

"Same for me," Draco agreed. He folded up the menu and handed it to the server which he finally got a good look at. Something about him was familiar. Dark blond hair, blue eyes, small frame. Something about him reminded Draco of somebody from somewhere.

"Hey, you're that guy from the bar last month," the waiter said with a large smile, and instantly Draco recognized him as the guy he saw at the bar after his last meeting with Harry. The guy a few seats down who wanted to "comfort" him. Draco glanced at Harry whose attention was entirely focused on the server. "If you ever need someone again, I get off at eleven," he said and gave Draco a wink, choosing to be oblivious of Harry and walked away, not without swinging his hips. It was obvious what he wanted. Quickly, Draco looked to Harry, apprehensive of his reaction. To anyone else, Harry looked fine but to Draco, who had known him for years he could find the little differences. Harry wouldn't look up, his hands would not stay still for a second and his eyes lost the usual life and vitality and just looked dead.

"Harry, it's not what you think," Draco began to explain, knowing all too well that they've already went through something like this.

"It's none of my business what you do with whom," he replied sounding indifferent about the whole situation but Draco could hear where his voice made the slightest crack. "We're just friends right?" Harry asked looking up at Draco with a small smile touching his lips. That was what sent Draco off and he clenched his fists, but there was nothing he could do. Harry was choosing not to get upset as if Draco just didn't matter anymore, as if he wasn't worth the time, as if he just didn't care anymore.

"Excuse me. I think I need some fresh air." Harry said shakily as he tossed his red linen napkin onto the table and stood. He got a few feet of distance between them before Draco closed it by grabbing his arm.

"Don't you think it's about time to stop running away? There was nothing between me and that guy, whoever he was." He slowly turned to face Draco. Their eyes met for a moment before Draco pulled out his wand and quickly Apparated from the restaurant and to the room where the manor's front entrance was. He loosened his grip on Harry's arm but still held the connection.

"Harry, you can run if you want but please, please just hear me out." The man nodded and a sigh of relief came from Draco. "There is nothing between me and that guy," Draco started out, calmly. "Yes, I did see him at a bar I went to but there was nothing else. I went to that bar right after our last meeting and spilled out our story to the bartender after a couple drinks and that guy overheard. He asked if I wanted him to comfort me that night and I said no. I walked out and left the guy at the bar. I swear I'm telling the truth." Harry listened to the whole explanation calmly and made no move to escape.

"There's something I want to show you," Draco said to Harry, releasing his arm and holding out his hand and though he was hesitant, Harry took hold of the cold pale hand, allowing Draco to lead him to a door.

"Close your eyes," he commanded with a gentle tone. This time there was no hesitation when his eyes closed. Harry's mind scanned through all the spells he could use if Draco tried to force him to do anything against his will. Draco released the hand just so he could be able to open the door. He could feel the cold evening air against his back as he faced Harry and took the hands that hung at the man's sides. Walking backwards he led a confused Harry into the garden.

"Open your eyes," he said as he released the hands and moved to the side, his own eyes never wavering from Harry. Harry did as he was told, not expecting the scene that faced him. The old, dead, and ugly jungle of a garden had completely transformed into something beautiful.

Everywhere was green and if it wasn't green if was red or blue, pink or purple, white, yellow, orange or lavender. There were flowers of every type blooming fully along the swept cobblestone paths. Even in the evening, butterflies and bumblebees were heading flower to flower without cease. A few sparrows chirped and a soft April breeze blew through making the cold air even colder. The most beautiful part was the tree in the center, whose branches spread across almost the width of the garden. Green leaves filled the branches and you could barely see the setting sun through the great expanse of leaves. Nailed to the tree, just below the first branch, hung a small bronze plaque. Harry slowly stepped forward leaving the other man behind him to read what was engraved. _The garden of Harry Potter's and Draco Malfoy's love for each other._

"Harry, you once said that you took care of this garden, nurtured it like you were nurturing our love. When we fell apart, it too died. I have spent the past month doing everything I could to bring it back, to show you that, well, I love you. I really and truly love you and I wanted to be the one to show you just how much I care. I wouldn't do this for just anyone, especially not some sex toy." Draco cringed as he said the last two words, remembering that harry used them to describe how he felt Draco had thought of him. "Please, believe me. I've changed, Harry, and I can no longer take living without you by my side again." Draco ended his speech knowing it was all left up to Harry. He watched as the man pulled out his wand, and he already felt rejection crushing his chest but he still watched, waiting for Harry to Apparate, leaving him and his broken heart for the last time. Harry flicked the wand but didn't suddenly disappear.

"You forgot a charm for the garden," he said and turned around, eyes bright and a large grin was spread across his face. Harry ran forward, right straight into Draco, who stumbled back a step as Harry's arms pulled him as close as possible.

"I love you, too. Draco, I love you." Draco's arms wrapped around Harry, encasing him in his warmth.

"Does this mean you'll stay with me?" he asked trying to grasp the whole situation.

"Of course. Forever. I never thought you would do so much for me and know I've realized it was a huge mistake to leave you," Harry said, close to sobbing due to the incredible amount of happiness he was feeling.

"No, Harry. It wasn't a mistake. It was good that you left me otherwise I would have never changed and I wouldn't have realized how much you truly mean to me." Harry pulled his head back to look into Draco's eyes.

"You have no idea how I felt those five years. I wasn't lying when I said I forgave you, it was myself who I couldn't forgive." Confusion spread across Draco's face but he never released his hold on Harry. "When you apologized the next morning, I immediately forgave you but a part of me wanted to be mad at you, I wanted to never forgive you and I was furious and frustrated that I forgave you so soon. So I tried to solve that and ran, and you never came after me so I felt even worse and that I shouldn't have forgiven you so soon since you seemed happy enough without me."

"I'm sorry I never chased after you, I didn't think you wanted me to but at least we're together again. Let's not worry about the past." Harry's mouth opened to protest but Draco silenced it with his own. He could feel the other man melt into the touch and lips under his part. His tongue delved in and explored the warm cavern. He ran the muscle over Harry's teeth and tangled with Harry's tongue. A moment later he pulled back and opened his eyes to a kiss-drunk Harry.

"I definitely missed that," he said before leaning down and stealing another kiss.

Harry broke the second kiss and pulled himself from Draco's arms. Quickly he grabbed the pale hand of his lover and pulled him to the manor, leaving Draco only to guess where they were headed. They ran down the hall, up the stairs and down another hall before they reached Draco's bedroom. They threw open the door and as soon as they cleared the doorway, they were in each other's arms.

**Author's Note:** Hey guys, sorry for not updating for a while. I wanted to make this chapter extra special and I'm almost positive I failed. Also, I have been diagnosed with a terrible and deadly disease. It is known as "Writer's Block." It always has to happen right before I have to submit something huge, whether it's a paper for classes or a short story for a contest or the paperwork for copyright. It's not that fun. Right now I have two minor papers and a short story contest all within this week so it's just great. Oh yeah, please excuse the terrible title. I couldn't think of anything.


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